Traditional man
I was reading some guy’s comment on the internet recently and he used a phrase that caught my eye: “I’m not a traditional man.” Which got me wondering. What’s a traditional man? Am I one?
Off the top of my head, a “traditional” (or perhaps we could use the term “stereotypical”) man would be:
- A sports fan
- Competitive
- The chief bread-winner for his family
- The parental disciplinarian
- Emotionally reserved
- Mechanically inclined, “handy” around the house
- A physically courageous risk-taker
- Uninterested in domestic chores like cooking/cleaning
- “Chivalrous” in behavior toward women, holding doors and pulling chairs, etc.
I could go on. I’m sure you could, too. So let’s analyze the list vis a vis me.
- Never been a fan of team sports. Individual sports are much more interesting to me, especially combative ones such as boxing, wrestling and Asian martial arts. Verdict: quirky, but not altogether against type. Traditional.
- I don’t think I’m very competitive, although I do wish more competitive exercises were part of the k-12 curriculum. Verdict: Not very traditional.
- I have sometimes made more money than my spouse, but more often not. Never been a big deal for me, really. Verdict: Not traditional.
- I think I was often the easy-going one, truth be told. I like to think that this made it more serious, however, when I did put my foot down. Verdict: Not traditional.
- I don’t anger quickly, but I don’t think emotionally reserved is an accurate description. Verdict: Not traditional.
- I know my way around a computer and I could assemble a bicycle but I couldn’t change my oil if my life depended on it. Verdict: Not traditional.
- I jumped from a perfectly good airplane once and I have faced off with black belt martial artist in competition. I can steel myself to deal with the errant spider or mouse, as well. The only things that really scare me are car accidents and flammable liquids. Verdict: Traditional.
- I don’t like cleaning, but I do get a nice feeling of accomplishment from a sparkly kitchen. And I love to cook. Verdict: Not traditional.
- I do open doors for women, but there is a point of weirdness that one doesn’t want to cross with stuff like that. Verdict: Traditional.
So that’s 3 for traditional and 6 for non-traditional. Plus I get an additional non-traditional for having used the phrase “vis a vis” and another one for referencing the k-12 curriculum earlier in this post which brings us to a 3-to-8 ratio for being a non-traditional man.
Bonus: Dig this video. What if men acted like women and vice versa?
Tags: gender, menandwomen
July 18th, 2010
Obviously the “definition” of a traditional man is evolving. For instance, my dad never changed a diaper in his whole life, but I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a dad nowadays who doesn’t share in much of the child-rearing responsibilities, including diapers. Particularly in families where both parents work full-time (which was practically unheard-of when I was growing up). You may very well be a traditional man for this day and age AND your particular demographic (working in academe etc.).
July 18th, 2010
You raise an interesting point. There’s probably a big difference between a “traditional” man and the “average” man today. I don’t think I’m unusual in any way, but it’s probably the case that I and lots of other men differ from what is traditional.
July 21st, 2010
My shrink once told me that I play the more traditionally “male” parental role. I focus overly much on work and definitely don’t helicopter parent. I’m less likely to go to parent-teacher conferences than my ex. I have a large tool box and know how to use everything in it. I can install a garbage disposal and rewire lighting fixtures and appliances. I can assemble crap that comes in a box (and usually don’t look at the directions). I scoff at the notion of scrap booking and other Martha Stewarty things other women seem infatuated with. I don’t DO greeting cards and most gifts I give come unwrapped. I have a very manly sex drive. I can change the oil in my car although I no longer do. I do love to cook and like to clean stuff (like scrub type of clean) but organizing and putting away stuff is my kryptonite. I don’t go gaga over shoes and clothes. I have approximately 8.7 million different hair and skin products. I’m obsessed with expensive perfume but hardly ever wear makeup other than lip gloss or mascara. I guess I’m not very traditional but I sort of like it that way. Like Popeye says, I yam what I yam.